


The day she left

by TakeoffyourclothesyowzahDoctorSong97



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-07
Updated: 2014-06-12
Packaged: 2018-02-03 18:37:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1754295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TakeoffyourclothesyowzahDoctorSong97/pseuds/TakeoffyourclothesyowzahDoctorSong97
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor and River grieve about the loss of their daughter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was 3 weeks since Idris had died, River was grieving for the loss and she wasn't coping with it at all.  
The Doctor was concerned about her behaviour and the symptoms of the pregnancy were becoming worse every passing day. She couldn't hold any food, neither liquids nor solids, if the situation didn't get better, her and the baby's life would be in danger and he couldn't let it happen. River was carrying a full Time Lord, actually a little healthy Time Lady; he had scanned her, she was 11 weeks along. During the first scan two tiny heart beats could be heard, River smiled for the first time, after several days of sorrow. The Doctor found himself beaming too at the little life growing inside her wife.  
However, after that brief bliss, his wife kept being miserable and he didn't know what to do.  
They passed most of the time arguing, River was so angry, not with him in particular, mainly with herself, and the Doctor couldn't bear it.  
Most of the time River could be found in the TARDIS' library, reading and studying to keep her mind away from her daughter. 

She woke up, it was 6 o'clock, she felt sick and ran to the bathroom, throwing up all the content of her stomach. The Doctor was used to this by now, he stood up and walked to River. He filled a glass of water and handed it out to her.  
"Are you ok?"  
"Do I look ok?"  
"Yes... I mean no...Sorry stupid question."  
The silence fell for what seemed hours, but just 5 minutes actually passed.  
"So... River, do you want to come back to bed or do you prefer to have breakfast? I can make you something, if you like."  
"Actually I don't think I could do any of them, I'm not tired anymore and if I try to eat something, I think I'm going throw up everything again."  
"Ok, we can get dress and do something together here in the TARDIS."  
"Yeah, that's fine."  
She got up and they separated, going in different rooms to get dressed.  
When they finished she went to the console room, where the Doctor was fixing the TARDIS under the console, to pass the time while waiting. When he heard her steps he abandoned his place and made for her. He kissed her cheek softly and stroked her slight baby bump. At that simple loving gesture, she froze and warded off her husband, who looked at her with questioning and sad eyes.  
"I'm sorry, but I would like to stay alone sweetie, if you need me I will be in the library."  
She was already going away, when he grabbed her wrist.  
"Please, River, what have I done to deserve this? I know you're miserable for our daughter, but you can act like that. I'm your husband and the father of that girl, I'm going through this as much as you, and I can't make it, not alone, not without you. I need you, please, don't kick me out."  
She turned to face him, her eyes filled with hot tears. She couldn't help him, but she didn't even want to hurt her. After Idris' death, she felt completely empty.  
"I'm sorry Doctor, this is not your fault, but I can't, I can't be of any help. I need to be alone."  
She turned him her back and walked away.  
"River, please..."  
Fresh tears started to streak his cheeks. He sat down on the couch, taking his head in his hands and started to cry. That day he hadn't just lost his daughter but also his wife, yes that day, before they had even seen her birth, River ejected him and the whole universe. That was the day when River and him started to die inside, the day she left.


	2. Chapter 2

They went on like this until one morning the Doctor got enough nerve to talk to her.  
"I was thinking that maybe being with another woman could help you to get through this..."  
"As you say, sweetie..."  
"River, you can't keep doing like this. You have to cope with it, somehow. She wouldn't want this."  
"Can you, Doctor, can you just move on, ignoring what happened? We couldn't save her, what kind of mother I'm going to be if I can't protect her."  
"You can't blame yourself for what happened..."  
"Shut up, I don't want your understanding or pity, I just want- I just want her to be alive and safe."  
"I know and that's what I want too, but now you have to concentrate on the baby. Your behaviour it's dangerous for both of you, but most of all for you, River, if you keep doing like this, you could not-"   
He interrupted himself, he couldn't even think what could happen to her. He knew there was a dreadful high chance that she wouldn't survive the delivery, after all she was just human plus and their daughter was a full Time Lord.   
River came closer to him interrupting his frightful thoughts, she knew he was worried about her; he didn't even had any fault about this, he was grieving about the loss of their daughter just as much as her.  
"I'm sorry, sweetie. I just can't get over it, I thought the pain would vanish with time, but I feel miserable as much as that day."  
The Doctor decided not to talk but just held her and he kissed her with passion and a deep sadness.   
"Come on wife, time to see someone else, a little bit more cheerful."

 

They arrived at Clara's house, where the Doctor always used to pick her up. River and the Doctor walked to the front door and rang the bell. After few minutes Clara came and opened the door.  
"Doctor!" She beamed at her alien friend and hugged him. She noticed River, that was standing behind her husband with a weak smile.  
"Doctor, you found her, it was true, that memory of her at the Library."  
"Yes..."  
"Come in, I was just preparing some tea."  
The couple entered the house and the three sat down at the kitchen table. She handed them a cup of tea to both of them. After a few moments of silence, Clara couldn't take it any longer.  
"Doctor, what's the problem, is something wrong? You two have an horrible looking."   
"River and I are going to have a baby."  
"Congratulations! Wait is that really bad? I mean if that's so, un-congratulations."  
"No, no that's a wonderful thing" he said squeezing River's hands.  
"Well, it wasn't something that we expected, but it's really good."   
River just stood there in silence staring at her fingers tangled with the Doctor's.   
"So what's wrong? I can tell you there something that is upsetting you."  
"We met a girl named Idris, not her proper name, actually, she was from our future."  
"You met your daughter, so it's a girl! Doctor, can you explain yourself, I don't get the point, what's terrible about it?"  
"We saw her..."  
"Die. We saw her die." River stepped-in, after that silence.  
"Oh, that's why... I'm so sorry... Wait a minute, did you say her name was Idris?"  
River and the Doctor rose their heads at the same time looking at Clara, hoping the impossible.   
"Yes, do you know anything?"  
"Nothing, but yesterday a letter for you arrived, there's her name on it. Hold on on, I'm picking it up." After she finished saying this, Clara ran upstairs and brought the letter.   
The Doctor took it and began to read it, it really was from Idris, it said:

 

Dear mom and dad,   
I hope this letter comes to you as soon as possible. I wanted to apologise to you, you should have never seen that, I'm sorry. I know mum will be miserable and you, dad, will be upset too, but you will try to conceal it, to never let others see it. I just wanted you to know that you don't have to be, because I'm alive, I've regenerated. You know I'm still blonde and my hair is as curly and crazy as never before, you say I resemble mum, more than ever like this.   
I really love you both, please don't ever forget that, you are going to be great parents. Dad, you will be probably the one who is reading this letter, so when you have finished it, hug mum tightly for me and remind her everyday, every moment how gorgeous and loved she is. Unfortunately she tends to forget it and it's so unfair when that happens.   
I think you will see me very soon, till then know that we are and always will be a family, whatever happens I know I can count on you two, my dear mummy and my mad daddy. You are great, try to remember it.  
Remember to show me the stars, because you promised!

Love your daughter.

 

When he finished to read it he was really touched, his eyes were teary and he couldn't help to just smile, his daughter was alive.  
He moved her gaze from the letter to River's eyes that were questioning him, with an hint of sadness but also hope.  
He kneeled in front of her and took her hands in his.  
"What is it Doctor? What happened to her?"  
"River... She's...alive!"  
"What do you mean? Please explain yourself!"  
"She wrote a letter, she said she's fine, she regenerated. And she is proud to inform us that her hair are still blonde and crazy, just like yours."  
"She's alive..."   
The Doctor hugged River, they were both so happy. Then the Doctor said to Clara.  
"Our daughter is fine, she's alive! Do you want to come and celebrate with us?"  
"Don't worry Doctor, I think you two need sometime alone. But if you need me, you'll find me here."  
The Doctor caressed Clara's soft cheeks and helped River up from the couch, leading his wife in the Blue Box.


End file.
